Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Evaluation: Type Of Clothes.

Earlier, people wore clothes which were related to their culture but now people wear the same type of clothes all over the world. Is this a positive or negative development?

Answer:

Whereas in the past people used to wear clothes that reflect tradition, today people around the globe dress alike. I reckon this transformation is both beneficial and detrimental. (It will be better if you can just make a reference of the ideas you plan to discuss in the body paragraphs. It will also make your essay more cohesive.) I think that while this transformation is beneficial for individuals (Body Paragraph 1), it adversely impacts the economy and cultural diversity (Body paragraph 2).

One obvious advantage of dressing in an internationally acceptable style/ dress the attires of other nations (1) is that people can blend into any community. By dressing similar, people no longer look different from others when they are abroad, so they feel more comfortable moving around. If they were in traditional clothes, they may might (2) feel awkward, looking different from others. (3) Another key benefit is that it has increased style options. Apart from native outfits, people can include western outfits, such as dress, jeans and jackets, to transform (4) enrich their wardrobe. Thus, they are more fashionable in dressing.

1. Whoa! How does “attires of other nations” refer to “same clothes”? There is no link. People are not wearing the clothes of OTHER countries. They are wearing dresses of the same style.

2. It’s a conditional (IF) in the past tense (WERE). Please continue in the past tense.

3. It will be wonderful if you can give an example. For example, wearing a traditional African dress, an Indian dhoti, or a Japanese Kimono in a business meeting is likely to hinder smooth communication. 

4. By adding a dress, you’re more likely to ENRICH the wardrobe rather than TRANSFORMING it. Your word is not incorrect. It is not the best choice.

On the negative side, wearing the same style of apparels as other countries has some notable drawbacks. Firstly, traditional clothing is disappearing. Fewer people now put on native attires for cultural celebrations as the majority feels (5) they appear more trendy and classy when they wear foreign brands. For instance, in some parts of the world, many youths prefer to wear stylish shirts and pants to for traditional occasions than over (6) clothes that reflect their culture. Secondly, it hampers economic development in some places. Many developing countries no longer pay attention to developing (avoid word repetition – developing) supporting/ encouraging their textile industry because they are importing and wearing foreign brands. As a result, there are no opportunities for investors in this sector, which can contribute to economic growth local, traditional businesses suffer losses and unemployment soars(make the impact more clear.)

5. Please note the difference – the majority = singular; the majority of people = plural. The former refers to the collective noun MAJORITY. The latter refers to the PEOPLE as a part of the majority. “The majority supports the government.” “The majority of people support the government.”

6. The correct construction is “prefer X over Y” – X and Y must be parallel. In your sentence, X = wear stylish clothes (wear = verb); Y = clothes that reflect cuture (clothes = noun). These are not parallel. Please read this article. Make both either NOUNS or VERBS. ” For traditional occasions, many youths prefer stylish shirts and pants over clothes that reflect their culture.”  (Stylish is an adjective. It merely gives the quality of shirts and pants. It does not violate parallelism. )

In conclusion, by putting on similar clothing, people all over the world can enjoy a sense of belonging anywhere they visit and have unlimited style options. However, it leads to the disappearance of many traditional apparels and prevents some nations from improving supporting the textile industry.

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