Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Evaluation: Year Off Between School And University.

It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Answer:

Higher education plays a considerable role in shaping the future of an individual. Nowadays, it has been observed that students have started opting (there is nothing wrong with your sentence. But, it is always better to convey a message in as few words as possible.) students opt for a one year gap before starting university education. There are umpteen benefits of this trend to them including It (= one year gap) is beneficial for a better understanding of their passion and provides ample time to prepare for entrance exams, but have a few demerits as well such as losing it (= one year gap) may also lead to loss of interest in studies and lagging behind their peers.

I’ve rejected a lot of unnecessary words. Note, that deleting these words and writing fewer words do not change the meaning of your sentences. Brevity!

One of the merits is they can get opportunity to (unnecessary words.) experiment and explore different fields to find (discover) their true (passion is always true) passion. This will enable (1) which enables them to choose apt subjects in university and will enhances their chances to become more successful professionally. Another advantage of this practice lies in providing Moreover, it provides (Brevity.) them sufficient time to prepare for entrance exams. In this cut-throat competition era, (2) they hardly get any time to study for entrance exams along with school curriculum. Therefore, by dropping a year they can prepare well and can enter a prestigious university of their choice. This can ultimately help the pupils them to secure their future. As per a recent survey by The Education magazine, it is seen that (Brevity.) the proportion of students who cracked the IIT exam after dropping a year was higher as compared to (3) those who appeared for the exam directly after school.

1. Connect the two sentences to create a complex sentence.

2. The introducer fails to set a logical context for the sentence. How does “competitive era” set context for “hardly get any time”? There is no direct link. Also, you’ve mentioned “sufficient time” and “entrance exams” in the previous sentence and you’ve repeated them in this sentence. It is not an elaboration of the previous sentence. It is merely a repetition with a few new words. “During school, they have to spend several hours every day to complete homework and, as a result, they are not able to prepare for competitive exams such as IELTS.”

3. You can’t compare “proportion of students” with “students” (those). You can’t compare apples with oranges. Compare proportion with proportion. “… the proportion of students who cracked …… higher than THAT OF THOSE who appeared ……”

On the other hand, some people lose interest in studies after a year-long break. In this period, they take up jobs and start earning. They are tempted by the money and decide to give up the idea of getting (unnecessary and too simple) higher education and continue their job. (4) However, in the long run(“in the long run” is an introducer. It just sets the context. Separate it from the main sentence.) this adversely affects their career, (wrong punctuation) as their chances of promotion becomes very become bleak (5) without having a graduation degree. Another disadvantage is lagging behind their peers. Because of the gap from studies, it becomes difficult for them to recall the basic concepts of different subjects which were taught in the school. As a result, extra effort is needed to cover that gap and reach the level of their peers.

4. This sentence and the previous one are a bit confusing. Firstly, you can combine them. Secondly, they are unorganized since their pattern is “jobs —> higher education —-> continue jobs”. Make it simpler. “jobs —> higher education.” “During this period, they take up jobs and, tempted by money, (modifier) they abandon the idea of higher education.”

5. Bleak = chances are too low or there is no hope. “VERY” does not make any sense with this word. LR issue.

In conclusion, dropping a year prior to tertiary education can offer enough time to secure a better future. Nevertheless, it can result in losing interest in academics and difficulty in coping up with fellow students.

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