Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Evaluation: Moving Overseas and Impact on Children.

Question: Nowadays, many families move overseas for job opportunities. Some people think that this is beneficial for the children of these families, while others think children will find it difficult. Discuss both views and give your opinion.


The job options worldwide are more today than they have ever been in the history of mankind. (The sentence construction is a bit weird. Note the same sentence in different words: “Worldwide job options are more today than they have been ever before.”) People are more (LR issue. No need of ‘more’ here. Plus, you’ve used it in the previous sentence.) frequently moving abroad and taking (Good parallelism!) their loved ones with them. While some parents are very positive about the future benefits, others believe their children will be distressed due to a sudden change in their surroundings. (MENTION the reasons that you plan to EXPLAIN in the paragraphs below.) While some people think that children receive superior education and job opportunities abroad, others believe they feel depressed. I agree with the former statement.

The developed nations (LR issue. ‘Overseas’ is not the same as ‘developed nations’.) are more likely to provide better health facilities like routine check-ups and necessary vaccination drives to their citizens and most of those are free for the taxpayers in the country. (You’ve written this sentence on ‘benefits of moving to developed nations’. But, the question is on ‘the benefit of moving overseas for children’. “CHILDREN” is missing. Loss of TR. “The primary benefit of moving abroad is superior childcare facilities such as routine health checkups and vaccination drives which are generally free for the citizens. There are, for example, no specialised cancer hospitals for children in Uganda, while there are more than seven such hospitals in Canada.”) (Note EXPLANATION of the idea.) This is the major perk of moving to another nation. Moreover, the children get a good (GOOD is a poor word that does not mean anything specific. Avoid it!) schooling and a better chance to opt for their dream institutions for higher education. According to a survey conducted online, parents are very conscious about their children’s studies while choosing to relocate. This is not an example. Moreover, while children in India have to face tough competition for a few seats in top institutions such as IIT, those in Australia get relatively easier access to their premier institutions.

On the other hand, there are some problems of working abroad with families. Living with families in abroad Living abroad with families takes up a lot of money as the living cost is higher overseas in the developed nations. (How does this create a negative impact on CHILDREN? Loss of TR.) Also, the parents are less likely to spend quality time with their children due to the hectic work environment in these countries. Due to this, (Avoid incorrect use of ‘THIS’. Also, you can write with BREVITY by using fewer words.) Consequently, children lose the moral and spiritual values that they should inherit from their parents to become a good responsible human being.

To conclude, there are both advantages and disadvantages in any choice of this issue but the pros despite numerous disadvantages of moving abroad, the prospects definitely outweighs the constraints cons. However, the decision should be made considering the financial health of the family. If the family cannot afford to move abroad, going alone initially is a better idea but the family should be called as early as possible. (Whoa! Wait! You mentioned in the first paragraph that YOUR OPINION = “Positive Future”. Keep supporting that they MUST move abroad. No “ifs” here.) I believe that irrespective of financial problems, families must endeavour to move abroad to provide a bright future to their children.

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