Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Evaluation: Spend Money On Computers Or Teachers?

Some people believe that money for education should mainly be spent on computers while others believe it would be better spent on teachers. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Answer:

Some people opine that educational funds should be spent on installation of computers, while others argue that it should be spent on teaching staff. Though well maintained computers will make students technology friendly, qualified staff will help to secure white collar jobs. (Help whom? Also, the use of THOUGH is incorrect. WHILE = Comparison of two events; THOUGH = Advantage vs disadvantage of ONE event. Though computers help students learn technology, they put a strain on their eyes.) Investment in computers helps students learn the latest techonologies and qualified staff helps them secure white collar jobs.

Institutions nowadays opt for e-learning which makes children tech-pro as they are uploading upload (your sentence begins with the simple present tense. Maintain it. Do not change to the present continuous. GR issue.) their test and assignments through computer softwares. This makes them aware of numerous softwares and Microsoft office, such as Microsoft Office, Zoom and Google Meet (1) and such knowledge is crucial for future employment prospects. However, executive level jobs require (‘require’ is common for both X and Y. “require not only X, but also Y”.) not only require computer operating skills, but also high level qualification which is possible when a person is taught by an experienced teacher. For example, in 2019, Punjab Government announced 2 lacs lakh (Note the spellings. Check Cambridge Dictionary.) jobs In Railway for people who are were trained in operating computers or have had degree or diploma in computer skills. (Announcement is in past. Training and degree must be complete before the announcement. That is, PAST OF PAST. You can’t use present tense here. GR issue.)

  1. Avoid repeating the word SOFTWARE.

The BP 1 should be entirely on the benefits of investment in computers. You’ve tried to balance both. That’s fine as long as you balance both in BP 2 also. Unfortunately, you’ve not done so. TR issue.

On the other hand, I support the view that trained facilitators (facilitators are not the same as teachers. LR issue.) help to students attain white collar jobs. As they teach curriculum in a practical manner, understanding of subjects increases. This provides them opportunity that ensures ample opportunities to apply for IIT and IIM to attain high level jobs. For example, a survey conducted by Hindustan Times revealed that 75% of students who passed out from the Indian Institute of Technology in 2018 agreed that school science teachers developed their interest and helped them to secure appropriate percentage required for appearing in college entrance examination. (Minor issues in grammar and lexical resource in this paragraph. This may impact your score. Note the use of THAT. You have written a simple sentence and I’ve converted it into a complex one using a conjunction.)

In conclusion, although (wrong use of ALTHOUGH. Note the use of THOUGH in the introduction.) well equipped computer labs keep students updated about technology, experienced staff members help in getting well paying jobs.

In conclusion, investment in computers is vital to keep students updated about technology but without proper teacher training it is useless. Governments must ensure that funds are spent in upgrading teaching methods so that students can learn faster and more efficiently.

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