Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Evaluation: Living Close To Where They Were Born.

Some people spend most of their lives living close to where they were born. What might be the reasons for this? What are the advantages and disadvantages?

Answer:

It is often argued that (Well, there is no ARGUMENT about this. This is a FACT.) some people prefer their birthplace to spend a major portion of their lives. The primary reason for this is that they want to so that they can avoid homesickness and enjoy comfortable lives. (Connecting the two sentences builds cohesion while reducing the total number of words.) Its main upside is that it is difficult to adjust in unknown city and drawback is that it lowers an expectation for growth. (You can better write the above sentence as: Although it helps prevent the hassles of adjusting in an alien city, it lowers the possibilities of growth.”)

Individuals mostly prefer to live at the place where they are were born as their childhood memories are connected with that city. (Explain CHILDHOOD MEMORIES in at least one sentence. Complete the idea.) The memories of school days, playing sports with friends, having meals with parents, and small fights with siblings are the most cherished moments that bind them to a particular place. Since they are were born and brought up at that place, most of their friends and relatives are settled there. (Please elaborate this in at least one sentence.) Moreover, living in an ancestral house helps (“ancestral house” can’t help you. But “living in an ancestral house” can. Please understand the difference and avoid this mistake in the future.) them to lead a tension free life as they are not required to spend on accommodation and other household expenses. For example, a research conducted by a psychologist revealed that 80% of people living in a metropolitan city (living in metropolitan cities) are suffering from anxiety problems as they are unable to share their feelings with their family and feel homesick. (Whoa! Wait! Your IDEA is on saving money. The example is on “feeling”. They don’t gel. Write example on the same point as the idea. Don’t deviate.)

Its main benefit is that since the people are familiar with their birth city, its working work culture, and the lifestyle of people living there, they find it much more easier to settle in that area as compared to the place about which they do not have any information. On the other hand, people they (Keep using a pronoun to refer back to the people in the previous sentence.) experienced experience lesser exposure as they work in the same city, which reduces your their passion and desire to grow in terms of position and salary. For instance, a research conducted by the Bank Association revealed that most of the assistant managers of banks refuses refuse (The subject is “assistant managers”) the post of bank managers with due to the fear of being posted to another city.

In conclusion, most of the individuals are in favor of living in a city where they are born as they want to live a steady life with their family members. Though it is easier for them to adjust in the area where they are born, it adversely affect their professional and personal growth. (The conclusion is well written.)

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