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IELTS Task 1 Academic Correction: Recycling Aluminum Cans.

The flow chart below shows the process of recycling aluminum cans. 

Write a report describing the information shown below.

Screen Shot 2017-08-29 at 11.34.16 AM

20 minutes, 150 words at least.

Please go through the sample answer HERE.

Answer:

The diagram depicts the method of recycling of aluminum cans. There are six steps in the reprocessing of aluminum cans commencing with the collection of used cans by collectors and ending with new bottles after processing in various machines. (37 words.) You can avoid repeating aluminum cans twice by connecting the two sentences. This will also increase cohesion. Rephrase: The given diagram depicts the method of recycling of aluminum cans in six steps commencing with the collection ………..

Firstly, garbage collectors gather empty cans from houses, schools, and gardens. After that, they , and (Oxford comma. Discuss or read the article) handover them to scrap dealers and recycling centres. (Confusion in your sentence: they handover them….. Same pronoun refering to two nouns. Discuss.)

These cans are crushed as well as flattened into bales. Then bales are passed through crusher making into small chips. Further, chips are subjected into furnace and heated at mild temperatures to remove paintings and coatings. (56 words.)

Later, the Melter heats the chips at 350 degrees Celsius and melts them to helps in melting the chips and casts cast them into ingots which are placed on a sheet compressor and roller to cast into new sheets. Finally, these sheets are subjected to cutting and moulding (OR are cut and moulded) to make new aluminium cans. Again, vicious cycle repeated(46 words.) Vicious = vice, bad. Wrong word usage.

In conclusion, recycling of aluminum cans is a complex process which involves many steps such as crushing, heating, compressing and moulding.

Total words = 160 words. Bands = 7.0

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IELTS Essay Correction: A few People Earn Huge Salary.

salary IELTS PTE.jpg

Image Courtesy: thebluediamondgalary.com Nick Youngson

In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please go through the sample answer HERE.

An very low extremely small number of employees take the highest earn high salaries in some nations. Some people opine that this is useful for that country since it helps in retaining skilled workers, whilst others think that the government should have regulations over regulate salaries as it develops in bringing equality among people. Let us link these two sentences: While some people opine that a few individuals earning high salaries in a country is beneficial since it helps in retaining skilled workers, others think that the government should as it leads to inequality in the society. (IT should refer to the same thing – a few people earning high salaries.)

In my opinion, I firmly believe (I firmly believe = my opinion. Repetition.) that authorities should not put any objection for paying the highest salaries because better salaries mean good workforce for the country. (75 words. Too long. Keep it short and invest more in the body paragraphs.)

Nowadays, an intelligent and hardworking person are is highly paid in any country because the skilled workforce is limited and they it (refers to the skilled workforce) can be retained only by offering huge pays an attractive income. Moreover, these employees work sincerely in building up products and services by maintaining standard operating procedures. For instance, an American company (There is no GOOGLE in this sentence. Hope this is clear.) Google’s chief executive officer, Mr. Sunder Pichai, who was born in India, is the highest paid person in the world who is the Indian born. He developed the business to next level by making increasing profits three times in just one year. (82 words)

The government must regulate incomes because equality is the an essential part of good governance. Furthermore, companies violate the basic rules and regulations of employment and harass the people who are getting the most earnings for not making the profits within a limited period. For example, Tata motor’s company managing director Mr. Sirus Cyrus was the highest paid employee in India but was fired by the top management within six months as he was unable to make turn the company into profits. (77 words.)

In conclusion, while some people opine that government should monitor pay scales since it helps in bringing equality, others think that the highest wages attract the best individuals as it makes the company and nation into profits. (You can paraphrase the introduction. But you can’t repeat it word for word.) Paraphrase: In conclusion, higher salaries for a few results in greater inequality on one hand and attracts the best global talent on the other.

In my opinion, I strongly think that the governments should give freedom to the companies regarding the payment because better salaries mean good workforce for the country. (64 words.)

Total words = 298.

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IELTS Essay Correction: Save Money or Spend it on Enjoyment?

money IELTS PTE

Image Courtesy: Pictures of Money – Flickr

Some people prefer to save money. Others prefer to use the money on things they enjoy. What is the best approach towards money? discuss both the views and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer.

Money is the most important factor for running a every people’s person’s life. Many people consider saving money as much more important whereas some like prefer spending it on entertainment. In my opinion, saving money is significant than spending in a sense that since it provides a secure and a comfort comfortable life to in the long term. (Can improve the introduction using fixed structure.)

Firstly, saving helps making the life of people more luxurious in the future. As an illustration, if people make a saving, they can afford various types of equipments like such as washing machine, micro-oven and so on which ultimately ease their living style. Secondly, advocates of this approach believe that saved amount not only help helps to run daily life but also can be applied for enhancing enhances offspring’s career (Parallelism – helps is parallel to enhances). For example, many middle class parents of moderate class family save money for their children (Word repetition: save). Moreover, saving provides security during old age. As people become physically weak with aging, they may suffer from death causing unexpected diseases, during which deposited amount can be used. (Can’t suffer from death)

However, there are also some people preferring to prefer to spend and live a sophisticated life with full of recreation and enjoyment. They think that life is to enjoy. So, they want to experience everything either to go all around the world or to buy expansive expensive and high brand clothes or even have expansive expensive cuisine every day. This can be seen in most of the high-class families of our country. (Learn connecting SIMPLE sentences to create a complex sentence using CONNECTING/ LINKING words. This will promote cohesion in the essay) Connect 3 sentences to create one sentence: Individuals from the high-income families believe that life is meant to be enjoyed and they prefer experiencing various things such as expensive cuisines and branded clothes across the world.

Furthermore, people struggle and do hard work to earn and they think through this all hardship why not to prefer spending that money to enjoy and satisfy ourselves themselves. As a result, people they do not care how expensive it is but try to spend money to every extent to have fun. That means they want to equalize their struggle with recreation. Connecting the last two sentences: Consequently, they equalize their struggles with recreation by investing the money in various sports, adventure, and recreational activities. 

In a nutshell, personally, what I think is it is very important to have saving. However it does not mean we should not spend money, it implies we should also think about the future and invest our earning in productive sectors rather than to spend in enjoying and entertaining. Rephrase your conclusion using linking words: In conclusion, it is important to strike an optimum balance between preserving wealth and spending it on recreational activities since it will not only save funds for the rainy day but also keep a person motivated to work more. (Use fixed conclusion structure to write better.)

Too long. Please keep it short. Saves time and exposes fewer mistakes.

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IELTS Essay Correction: People Prefer E-books Over Paper Books.

Ebooks IELTS PTE.jpg

Image Courtesy: Tina Frankin Flickr

More and more people prefer to read ebooks rather than paper books. What are the reasons for this? What problems can this cause for libraries?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

With the advent of technology, many people choose their electronic gadgets to read downloaded books instead of printed books. This essay will describe the causes for their this choice, and will also elaborate the problems this trend making for libraries(Prefer mentioning REASONS. Though a few books and teachers recommend writing “this essay will describe ….”, this is a wrong approach.) Prefer: … printed books since the electronic books are convenient and easier to purchase than paper books. This trend has resulted in closing down of several traditional libraries. (Mention in the introduction, Explain in the body paragraphs.)

One of the main reasons for this preferance of readers is convenience(No need of this line after making the above changes in the introduction.) That is to say, the reader has does not need to carry heavy paper books, rather he can use his mobile or laptop to read ebooks easily while travelling, or sitting comfortably in his room. This can be exemplified by my own case that I don’t like carry printed books while on a journey, instead, I use my mobile to read downloaded books easily. (This is not an example. This is a mere repetition of the statement made earlier with “I”. A good example has FACTS to link to the essay. Example: A recent survey in Germany has revealed that 77 percent youngsters below the age 18 read only electronic books and have never read a paper book.)  

Furthermore, it gets sometimes difficult to buy certain paper books from a bookshop due to their shortage or non-availability. In that case, it gets quite handy to buy purchase (word repetition: buy) the book online and download it to read.

With increasing number of e-book readers, e-libraries are also increasing and are negatively (adversely) impacts impacting (Parallelism violation) the traditional libraries. Firstly, the traditional libraries face decreased members of them membership. In other words, only a few people visit them and get their membership (repetition) and only few paper books are issued by to them, this causes loss to libaries economically. (Need to combine sentences using correct connecting/ linking words to score well on Cohesion and Coherence.) Rephrase: Firstly, the traditional libraries suffer from a decrease in membership which results in fewer visitors, lesser number of paper books and greater economic losses. Use WHICH to connect the main idea with the sub-ideas.

In addition, the libraries having only a few members are now getting closed and replaced by (Passive voice. Please avoid it.) other constructive buildings. For instance, a quite old library in Pakistan was at financial crisis due to its almost no member a drastic fall in its membership since 2012, and that it is now closed and the building is sold (Passive voice) to a marriage banquet hall company.

To sum up, the ebooks has have replaced traditional books in this modern era due to its their easy availability and convenient to read. However, they have raised economic issues for libraries which governments should sort out in order to preserve them.

You need to learn a few concepts in grammar and the technique of creating cohesion in the essay. 

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IELTS Essay Correction: Smoking at Public Places.

smoking IELTS PTE

Image Courtesy: Pixabay

In many countries, it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words.

Answer:

Please go through the Sample Answer as well.

 

Generally, smoking in public areas is not that much of better one for anyone harmful not only for active smokers but also passive recepients. I think that it is better to make strict rules for the people smoking in public area because this public smoking it (use referencing) gives causes health problems to passive smokers as well as and nobody respects the people who smoke in public places. (lost parallelism score. Please read the article on parallelism to improve your grammar)

Firstly, public smoking gives a huge causes severe problems to the passive smokers because a lot of carbon components deliver from the smokers. Sequentially they get health problems. Link the two sentences to create COHESION: Firstly, public smoking causes severe health problems such as respiratory disorders and cancer to passive smokers since soot/ pollution from the smoke deposits in the lungs. 

For instance, a person smokes in the at a bus stop. The smoke comes from him reaches the other people in that place. Even though they do not smoke the cigarette directly, they breathe the polluted air indirectly. Let me link the two sentences: For instance, a person who smokes at a bus stop forces others to inhale the pollution indirectly even if they are not engaged in the activity directly. (prefer not repeating the word “smoking”. Use activity.)

Secondly, they face disrespect from the other people in the society because as smoking is not a fair one in any considered an unhealthy activity in every nation. People do not talk with them properly. Every time smokers are being blamed by some people who want to comment on other’s bad habits. (Can you try connecting these simple sentences using connectors? Please rewrite in the comments box below.)

For example, if a person has a small clash with a smoker, he blames that person everywhere by this smoking issue. (This is not an example. An example contains data, facts. For example, in Sikh religion smoking is seen as a taboo activity and any Sikh who smokes is declared an outcast.) Can you recreate an example and write it in the comments box below?

In conclusion, if the government makes strict rules about public smoking, people will not only smoke in private places (Wrong usage of if…., then….. Correct usage if …(present tense)…, then ……(future tense – will)…..). then will not only the government rules give best results (what are best results? Try avoiding generalizations. Be specific. Concrete. You will lose bands for generalizations.) but also the smokers take the responsibility towards this issue (need to discuss this sentence once you’ve read the Parallelism article). This will help a lot for public. Moreover the respect between people will increase. (Again too generalized. Help how?) This will improve people’s health and reduce health expenditure.

 

Total Words = 228. You will lose bands for writing less than 250 words.

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IELTS Essay Correction: Health Education and Preventative Measures – 2.

health and preventive care IELTS PTE

“Prevention is better than cure.” Out of a country’s health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. Do you agree or disagree?

IELTS: 40 minutes, 250 words at least.

PTE: 20 minutes, 200 to 300 words.

Please go through a related essay as well: Medical Care and Life Expectancy.

Please go through the sample answer as well as another student’s answer.

Answer:

While some people believe that spending a big proportion of huge amount on health education and preventative measures is not a good thing, instead of better than giving allocating the budget to health care. I think that creating health awareness and taking preventative measures help a lot in country’s growth. (While some people believe X, I think Y. Rephrase: While some people believe allocating budget to healthcare is vital to maintain public health, I think investing/ spending funds on education and preventative measures is equally important.)

Spreading awareness on benefits of a good health is useful. Because because it helps in not only building a nation’s economy but also promoting individual growth and people live with full of happy and mentally strong(Learn the concept of parallelism. Please read this article and discuss with me.) (73 words. The introduction should be around 50 words.)

The Cost of medical care is too (extremely/ exorbitantly) high both for individuals and governments. Most people are poor and government budgets are in deficit (Link the first two sentences using since). By promoting health awareness and preventative methods like such as giving vaccines and other medical support, people do not get catch big health deadly diseases (diseases are always related to ‘health’) with this country’s economic growth increases automatically. (write a fresh sentence or use a proper connector) For instance, if the number of people getting illness falling ill (catching illness) increases, they do not are unable to work properly. Their , their income reduces, and certainly national economy also suffers decreases. When people have good health country’s growth increases(Your ideas are fine. The expression is poor due to inadequate vocabulary.) (79 words.)

Some of the people do not (Red Flag: overuse of “do not”) happy with their family’s health and growth. They get depressed sometimes. (Rephrase: Poor physical health not only adversely affects the patient but also the family members since it results in/ leads to financial distress.) It is important to have a good physical health in families to be stable psychologically mentally. With the awareness of some personal care among family members, it is possible (Rephrase: Awareness about the benefits of a good health through government campaigns in hospitals, social media advertising, and television programs can reduce the economic/ financial burden of curing a disease.). For example, in some families, they use single soap for the entire family. If anyone has a skin disease the whole group gets catches it. With awareness, it should not happen because everyone must use their separate soaps. (80 words.)

In conclusion, health education and preventative methods can help to control the medical expenditure of individuals, government and the mental stability of people. If it is done future will be bright. (Conclusion is not strong. Need to improve it. 31 words. Short. Write about 40 to 50 words.)

Total Words = 263. Your sentences are too small. Connect two simple sentences to create complex structures.

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IELTS Essay Correction: Violence in Video Games and Television.

violence on tv and movies IELTS PTE

Image Courtesy: Pixabay

Nowadays the level of violence is increasing in video games and some TV programs. What are the reasons behind this? What can be the effects and solutions?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please go through a similar question HERE.

Answer:

Undeniably, visual objects and scenarios put great influence on the psychology of humans. In spite, several children like watch TV programs and play video games which are full of violence, hence, both poise and these have a  negative impact such as aggressiveness on their immature mind. Parents use the different type of methods to tackle with this immense problem. Learn to connect sentences using “and”. Avoid “hence” in the introduction (52 words.)

Firstly,  since, mostly both most of the parents are working nowadays, children have lots of spare time to do indoor activities. So that they start watching watch (tense: Simple Present) some of the favorite programs in which they like full such as action movies and violence filled video games during this time. Consequently, they start imitating of imitate the heroes and trying try to perform their stunts and brutality in real life. The anger and violence automatically come in their life which blur while playing with their peer groups. For instance, children easily lose their temperament and become aggressive, hence and they injured injure (tense: Simple present) their own friends. (90 words. Read the question carefully. The question is not on “children” but on “violence on television and video games”. These are the EFFECTS.)

Secondly, parents should set limit or regulate and control what their children watch in on television and guide them that these violence is not an appropriate solution to deal with problems. and They must give proper counseling when they feel their child is showing aggressive or violent behavior in daily life. Moreover, parents should ensure that their children play outdoor games and carry out academic works in their meantime as well, so that their children become polite and calm, and show exhibit good manners while playing interacting with their peer group. (77 words. Avoid word repetitions – show, play. SOLUTION.)

In conclusion, this it is parents responsibility that they do not give advance gadgets for playing online games which is are full of violence and save their lives of the children. for example, the blue whale and Pokemon games (Do not give examples in the conclusion section) are spreading everywhere in the world which results the deaths of many young children. similarly, Governments should ban on these violence filled games globally, because, these  children are the future of the world. (68 words. Too long. You’ve violated the conclusion structure that we discussed in the class. Please follow it strictly.)

Total Words = 287 words. 

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IELTS Essay Correction: Improve Public Health By Increasing Sports Facilities.

sports games IELTS PTE

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Other, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

While some people advice advise that the best approach to enhance citizens’ health is by developing enormous sports facilities, others believe that this would have a marginal impact on citizens’ health and other initiatives are necessary. As sports are cardinal to improve mental health and subsequently citizens’ easy access to hospitals and local clinics (how? Please use this space to MENTION the points that you plan to explain in the body paragraph.). In my opinion, sports facilities are essential for everyone. (You’ve already said this above “Sports are cardinal to …..”) (60 words. Too long for an introduction. Save time by restricting yourself to 50 words.)

On the one hand, sports are essential for people of all ages as it increase increases the blood flow in the human body which leads to a healthy brain. For instance, Carol Dweck is a neuroscientist and she who recently publish published a report on mental health wherein she proposed that people who perform regular sports activities are more healthier and wealthier (???) than the others. Furthermore, her report shows that students having sports complex in their schools and colleges have above 130 IQ level an intelligence quotient of 130 and above(79 words.)

On the other hand, the government should ensure that people have access to hospitals and clinics as according to the The Guardian‘s survey, people are developing catching some diseases such as Malaria and Chickenpox in Southern America. For example, in Cub, the government has developed local clinics, divisional clinics, and hospitals to improve the health care system. This model has shown a tremendous decline in health issues in Cuba and nowadays, Cuba it is known for its excellent health system. (72 words.)

In conclusion, both the approaches are leading to the better health of citizens’ citizens (or Citizens’ better health). In my opinion, sports facilities are the best way to be healthier, however, the development of hospitals and clinics is utmost for the citizens especially in developing countries. (40 words.)

Total Words = 251. Well-written. Bands = 7.0. Work on the introduction.

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IELTS Essay Correction: Factories Located in Countries Different from the Location of their Head Office – 1.

Factories IELTS PTE

Image Courtesy: Wikimedia Commons

More and more companies are producing goods in factories located in countries different from the location of their head office. What are the advantages or disadvantages of this trend?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Undoubtedly, economic globalization is accelerating rapidly everywhere from the past few years, and every businessmen businessman (every = singular; businessmen = plural) want wants to expand their his business in foreign countries for immense profits. Since, this is cost effective for tiny and colossal businesses, while sometimes it would be unlucrative. The reasons are not clear enough. (41 words.)

Firstly, Elaborating firms expanding operations in foreign countries is a an excellent way to produce more capital and know advanced technology ??? from the world. For instance, if a businessman opens a another factory in foreign offshore, where he hires skilled employees on low wages and also acquires raw materials on less costs, hence his factory will produce goods on low capital and their the skilled workers make better and competitive products than other markets products players. This will surely be profitable commerce for his company. This is a badly structured paragraph. Word repetitions, poor word choice. Wrong pronoun. Wrong “if …., then …..” clause. (77 words.)

In contrast, the major disadvantages of producing objects in different nations are lack of security, weak control, and miscommunication barriers. First, goods that are produced in different country are thefted (theft is a noun, not a verb) either stolen or misplaced while during transportation time. It spoils most of the capital in searching and resending to the exact place. Second, in foreign countries businessmen speak mostly in the English language, hence the commerce man who has not knowledge of English, sometimes mishear the particular quantity of objects (Not a well explained point. Rephrase: A global team in various manufacturing units spread across various countries bring people from different cultures closer to each other. This often leads to cultural and linguistic barriers that ultimately causes a communication barrier and business losses.). it leads to not complete their order at given deadline. similarly, sometime supplier made poor quality products, hence it puts negative impact on factory reputation and income of businessman. (98 words. You’ve raised three points and explained none in detail.)

In conclusion, if businessmen locate their sub companies production units not only in the native country but also in the foreign country (How can they locate their plants both at home and abroad?), this will lead to global economic development and stability. This will ensure integration and interdependence of commerce in the world. (36 words. Too short. Add 10 more words.)

Total words = 252 words.

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IELTS Essay Correction: Unpaid Community Service Compulsory For High Schools.

unpaid community service IELTS PTE.jpg

Image Courtesy: Wikimedia Commons

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children).

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Majority of people think that uncompensated voluntary social work should be a mandatory part of secondary education curriculum curricula (Plural of curriculum = curricula) such as working for a charity, development of neighbourhood or sports training to adolescent (Wrong placement of such as. Write it next to the word it exemplifies. Discuss with me.). I strongly agree that these programmes will enhance the collaboration amongst the citizen citizens. The students will understand the problems of the society. Mention the benefits in a single sentence: These programs will not only enhance the collaboration among students but also help them understand the society’s problems.

On the one hand, students are the best (context?) to inculcate new habit patterns in the neighbourhood and they naively demonstrate the advantages and disadvantages of different ideas and concepts. For instance, recently, I read an article which enumerates the positives of participation of children in social activities that leads to healthy relations amongst themselves and their families (Reading an article is not an example. Give me facts, data in an example.). Furthermore, they (What does “they” refer to?) have discussed about the games which establishes establish strong bonding and leadership skills. (71 words. What exactly do you wish to convey through this paragraph?)

On the other hand, it is an easiest effective way to see observe and acknowledge the problems in our locality, city, and country. For instance, in India, there are many NGO’s working with prestigious schools and organisations to ensure that people children should work socially and find solutions to their (whose?) problems. Students visit orphanages, slump areas slums, countrysides and old age homes to understand the sociocultural aspects which enormously increase their emotional intelligence that leads to healthy and peaceful life. (77 words.)

To conclude, despite of cultural differences and diversity in our society, students are certainly working together and unwittingly improving their surroundings. In future, I believe that these kind of programmes will be conducted with the help of government. So, it is an initiative that government must consider and include it in the curriculum. (53 words. This is less of a conclusion and more of a new body paragraph. Do not introduce a new element “government” in the conclusion.) 

Sample conclusion: In conclusion, if school children carry out voluntary, unpaid social service, they will not only be more aware of the society’s problems but also gain the first-hand experience of managing social issues. This will make a society socially stable and sustainable. (41 words.)

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IELTS Essay Correction: English More Important Than Local Languages – 4.

English Language IELTS PTE

Image Courtesy: Pixabay

Learning English at school is often seen more important than learning local languages. If these are not taught many are at risk of dying out. In your opinion is it important to learn English? Should we try to ensure the survival of local languages, if so how?

40 Minutes, 250 words.

Here is my answer (with structure) on this topic.

Please go through other students’ essays (with corrections) on the same topic:

Student Essay 1

Student Essay 2

Student Essay 3

Answer:

The English is a widely spoken language in all over the world. While local languages are important as well, since these show the several cultures and unique identities of people in the communities(missed a comma) and knowledge of the English empowers individual to communicate internationally. (Strange sentence. While construction incomplete. Since construction not clear.) (42 words.)

Firstly, globally, the English is an official language. Hence, schools and Governments are mostly emphasize on the english subject it as a medium of instruction so that children become are able to speak and write english the language perfectly in during their academic years. It enables people to choose their career and establish business in the foreign countries. For instance, if a businessman has proper knowledge of English, he will easily communicate with foreigners while travelling or conferencing. Furthermore, it is beneficial to become bilingual or multilingual. People gain since it helps in gaining knowledge of the different nations and the English language helps allows people to understand foreign cultures, foods, and lifestyle. Connect the sentences. (95 words.)

Undoubtedly, the local regional (word repetition: local) dialects play a pivotal role in preserving the local Heritage of a nation. Schools and Governments should provide essential programmes for conservation of endangered local native languages and also deliver dialects language subjects and materials to students and people so that they could can read easily. In addition, parents should be foster on encourage their children to keep in touch with own the local language. It helps a community to identify uniquely in several maintain its unique ideatity separate from other communities. For instance, Punjabi people identify easily are easily identified in the crowd because they have unique culture, language, and lifestyle. (89 words.)

In conclusion, if people learn english English as well as local language, they will not only preserve their heritage but also learn foreign cultures and traditions. This will definitely become the homogeneous world help maintain a unique identity while preserving global unity and integrity(32 words.)

Total Words = 258 words. Bands = 6.5 to 7.0. Avoid word repetitions in the same stem “local”.

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IELTS Task 1 Correction: Diarrhea in Mashhad.

The graph below gives information about the number of cases of Diarrhea in Mashhad between1983 and 1992.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Diarrhea IELTS Task 1.png

20 minutes, 150 words.

Answer:

The line graph demonstrates how (can’t see how.) the number of cases of diarrhea evolved in Mashhad in during a period of 10 years. (20 words. Optimum.)

It is observed that in 1983 Evidently, the number of cases stood at were 100 in 1983 (try writing the object of time at the end of the sentence.) and remained constant the following year. In 1985, a slight increase is was (Maintain the TENSE) seen (passive voice) and in the next year toll has (tense) reached to 175 which is almost double as last year(Stop. The sentence is already too long) and next is also followed by a rise of cases wherein toll reached close to 200.

Let me rewrite to present a clear picture. “Evidently, the number of cases were 100 in 1983 and 1984, and increased slightly in 1985. The number of patients jumped to more than 175 during 1986 and rose slightly to about 200 in 1987.” Let us discuss over the phone.

On the contrary, in 1988 an unexpected (You can comment on the nature of the fall, not whether it was expected or unexpected. Remove any subjectivity.) fall is seen (passive voice) and the number of cases dropped to 50. (Already too long. Stop.) then the following year cases rose dramatically and surpassed the count of 400 then (then repeated twice in the same sentence.) the next has shown moderate decline in cases and following year has maintained the equilibrium.

Rewrite: “The incidence of diarrhea dropped suddenly to just 50 during 1988 followed by a drastic increase to 400 the next year. Then the number of cases decreased marginally and hovered around 350 in 1990 and 1991.”

Moreover, in 1992, an enormous dip is measured as within a time span of a year the number of cases dramatically drowned declined to an ideal number zero. (130 words.)

Overall, number of cases of diarrhea‘s cases shown enormous change fluxtuated widely in during this decade. Besides, they were at their highest in 1989 while they declined tremendously in 1992 and within a span of three years reduced to zero. (30 words.)

Total Words = 180. Too long for a task 1. Bands = 6.5.

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IELTS Essay Correction: Teachers Are Essential To The Learning Process.

teachers technology internet IELTS PTE.jpg

Image Courtesy: Jisc.ac.uk

Some people think that teachers are essential to the learning process. Others argue that students at schools and universities learn far more from other sources (such as the Internet and television) than from lessons with teachers.

What are your views on this?

IELTS: 40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

While some people believe that educators are cardinal to the learning process but, (no “but” in while construction) others think that aspirants at schools and educational institutions acquire enormous knowledge from online resources than from lectures with teacher and professors. A combination of both approaches of them (Them refers to people, not ideas) have benefits such as human interaction in classes whereas, and comfort and flexibility in of online learning. (53 words.)

On the one hand, we (do not use a pronoun without reference of a noun) have direct access to the professors wherein we can discuss about the issues, concepts, and ideas. Rephrase a sentence after removing the pronoun “we”: On the one hand, direct access to teachers and professors allows a student to discuss various doubts, concepts, and ideas.

Furthermore, it provides security to the students that they are associated with a reputed institution. For instance, Finland is the country which (redundant, meaningless words) has the best education system around the globe and the credit goes to their teachers (why?) and to the pedagogy that they inculcate for teaching. Rephrase: For instance, Finland has the best education system in the world since the country invests heavily in its teachers and education methodology. Finland has improved their the education standards with the help of educators. (78 words. You suffer from sentence structuring issues.)

On the other hand, there are people who take the advantage of the Internet and television to enhance their knowledge. Moreover, they do the conduct online research and watch educational videos, according to suit their schedule. For example, in the United States, Stanford and Harvard universities started some courses in collaboration with world’s best professors from several institutions named as MOOC’s (Are these techonoly/ online courses? What is MOOC? Do not presume that a reader knows what you know.). Nowadays, technology has been evolved in a certain way that allows everyone to learn new skills. (74 words.)

In conclusion, these two different aspects of learning are welcomed all around the world with certain limitations. Rephrase with DESPITE: Despite certain limitations, these approaches to learning are widely embraced across the world. In future, the Internet and television can change the way method of learning. However, learners will always need teachers and professors for consultation and discussion which fulfill their human need of for personal interaction. (49 words. Conclusion is well written.)

Total Words = 254 words. Optimum length. Bands = 6.5 to 7.0

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IELTS/ PTE Essay Correction: Dangerous Sports.

Dangerous sports IELTS PTE.jpg

Image Courtesy: Pixabay

More people are now engaged in dangerous sports like skiing, motorbike jumping. Are you in favor of such activities? Why?

The importance of dangerous sports, which was always debatable, has now become more controversial. The substantial influence of dangerous these sports has sparked controversy over the potential impact of this trend on the number of people over the years. Merge the sentences: The importance of dangerous sports, which was always debatable, has become controversial due to the potential impact of this trend on the number of people over the years.

It can be agreed that adventure sports are beneficial. However, some people believe it has disadvantages too (this is a repetition of the above lines in different words.). This essay will demonstrate both sides of doing dangerous sports and thus will lead to the logical conclusion (the reader knows what the essay will do. That’s the question. Please avoid writing this.). Give your opinion and mention reasons supporting your view. (71 words. Too long for an introduction.)

At the outset, While there are numerous reasons why most of the people prefer to do skiing and motorbike jumping, but the most conspicuous one stems from the fact is that it boost boosts the confidence of the people. As an illustration, sportsperson usually faces all the challenge that come to them him, which (link which to the word it refers to – challenges.) makes them him experienced to accept failure and go towards the success confidently. (Rephrase: A sportsperson, for instance, faces several challenges that make him more experienced to face obstacles and more flexible to accept failure graciously.) In addition to that Moreover, it helps to create the friend circle a network of people who love adventure games where they can exchange their difficulties and enhance their skills. Hence, it helps people to be more confident than they used to be (You’ve said this already.)(102 words.)

Nevertheless, some people adopt an opposing view and tend to believe that motorbike jumping and skiing is are life-threatening and gives give stress to the family member of sportsperson until they came back home from their activities. However, these can be removed by using protective gears while performing activities. In this way, negative effect can be substituted by using protective equipment (Repetition of the line above in different words.)(59 words.)

From what has been discussed above, it can be concluded that In conclusion, engagement in dangerous sports is prominent as it boosts confidence of the people and its negative effect could be well handled by using safety gauge. (36 words. Short. Redundancy. Make it longer. Learn the art of writing a conclusion.)

Total Words = 267 words. A lot of redundancy, repetition. Little grammar mistakes.

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IELTS Essay Correction: Computer Skills At School – 2.

computer skills IELTS PTE

Image Courtesy: David Goehring – Flickr

Some people say that computer skills should be added to primary subjects such as reading, writing, and math in elementary schools. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

IELTS: 40 words, 250 words at least.

Please go through answers of Student 1 and Student 2 as well.

Answer:

Computer skills are playing the most play (prefer Simple Present) a vital role in each and every aspects of the modern era nowadays. Because when a student has a minimum knowledge in his primary level of education, since (prefer since over because) it makes him a student smarter and self-confident than others even if he has lesser knowledge than others. So, I totally agreed about with this statement. (There are better ways to agree than writing this sentence.) (47 words. Optimum for an introduction.)

Firstly, the students who know how to operate a computer and the basic stuffs understands basics of computing (Violated parallelism. Operate and Understand are parallel. Read the article here.) in his primary level, he becomes more innovative. Like When he has a question in his mind, (Missed “such as” to link examples with the statement) what is the food habit of tribal people or what is the culture of American people. (He is better equipped to satisfy his curiosity and find answers to questions such as food habits of tribal people and the culture of the American Indians.) They just goggle Google it and get find the answer instantly. Secondly, from my personal experience, I started learning my Alphabet from a CD which my mom used it in on a computer to show me A for Apple and B for Ball. Now it makes me quiet quite familiar to do any task in on a computer. (95 words.)

Thirdly, now it is totally a computer era where we don’t even think about the Internet. Worldwide people make are making new friends and are learning (Parallelism violated. Use are making and are learning.) new languages with the help of the computer. Now students have their classes through online. Connect the two sentences and reduce words. Respect BREVITY: In this era of the Internet, children use computers not only to make new friends but also to learn languages and attend online classes. Not only those Moreover, lecturers and professors make conduct their classes through online and make a design distance learning program. Everything becomes easier by the sake of computer. (60 words.)

Yes, someone say that if they are advanced about the computer, they also visit the illegal sites also which has a negative impact in their life. So, I personally recommend, make restrictions on that sites which are not allowed for that level. (This idea could have been expressed more clearly in fewer words.) (39 words.) However, children may visit certain illegal gaming, hacking, and pornography websites while using computers. Parents and schools need to exercise control to prevent any such adverse effects.

In conclusion, I want to say, “Today’s children are Tomorrow’s Parents”. So, if we want an educated nation we have to teach our child children the best way technologically advanced methods of learning which make them best of the best. Rephrase: In conclusion, since today’s children are tomorrow’s parents, to create an educated nation they must learn technologically advanced methods of learning. There are many countries which are still backward to provide primary knowledge of computer head to head. So, we have to help our own selves and government support in is strongly needed to help the teachers’ to design the primary level program. (A lot of FAT in these two sentences. A number of unnecessary words.) (76 words. Too long for a conclusion.)

Total Words = 317. Too long for the exam. Make it short and crisp.

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IELTS Task 2 Correction: Success is About Hard Work or Money?

proud of a family member IELTS speaking

Some people believe that success is about hard work and determination. Others think that success has a connection with money and personal appearance. Discuss both of views. Give your opinion and some of your own experiences.

IELTS: 40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please go through the sample answer to this question as well.

Answer:

A few people thinks think that triumph is related to diligence and grit. Albeit, others say that triumph (word repetition) is having ?? wealth and personality. (Link the two sentences using WHILE to write a better sentence conveying both ideas. While a few people think that success is related to diligence and grit, others believe it has a closer association with personal wealth and appearance.) We have workaholic people who believe that diligence and grit are cardinal (Repetition of the first sentence.), however, there are people who gives give more importance to power and cunningness (No context.). In my opinion, people having grit and persistency persistance (grit and persistance are the same.) are successful people. (57 words. Several repetitions. You’ve not MENTIONED the stuff you’re planning to present in the body paragraphs.)

On the one hand, people are competent to achieve their dreams with rigorous efforts and intelligence. People They learn new skills and concepts to enhance their knowledge in order to become independent which leads them to success. For instance, Carol Dweck who teaches at Harvard University has recently published a journal wherein she talked about these skills. Moreover, she proposed that people with grit are more successful and happier in their life. (70 words. Determination and hard work = better grades = better professional = better customer service = greater success. Example: Mr. Narendra Modi or Steve Jobs.)

On the other hand, we have people who takes take advantage of their wealth and smartness which does do not have relation to the success. We are in the era of globalization which appreciates the efforts and talents of people. For example, Amitabh Bachan’s son Abhishek Bachan is not able to triumph his in the film industry although he has adequate background and a great personality. (64 words. You’ve not discussed the second view. Rather you’ve supported the first view. Lost track of the question. Wealth and personality = better connections = more opportunities = greater success.)

In conclusion, if grit and diligence could be absolutely denied, then it will not only impact the individual but also will possess pose several problems for the future generations. I believe that talent and perseverance are essential ingredients for the success in life. (40 words.)

Total Words = 231 words. Short. Please write 250.

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IELTS Essay Correction: Computer Skills At School – 1.

computer skills IELTS PTE

Image Courtesy: David Goehring – Flickr

Some people say that computer skills should be added to primary subjects such as reading, writing, and math in elementary schools. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

IELTS: 40 words, 250 words at least.

Please go through another student’s essay correction HERE.

Answer:

Undeniably, the advanced technology of computers is accelerating rapidly all over the world, thus, (Don’t use thus in the introduction. This word is meant for concluding a discussion/ idea.) Some individuals state that computer skills is are also obligatory in elementary schools and enables (Parallelism violated. Obligatory is an adjective. Enable is a noun.) these skills enable children to get score higher grades in education, and provides basic skills for a bright future. (41 words. Optimum length.)

Firstly, the computer education is most important to for children in during the early years of education. This enhances their abilities to for creative thinking (to think creatively) and problem-solving (to solve problems) ideas which helps help children in better cognitive development in younger at a young age. Furthermore Since, a computer has several features such internet websites, powerpoint, and excel, it also empowers students to improve their academic performance due to a better understanding of computer skills and other subjects such as Mathematics, Hindi, and English, since, a computer has several features such internet websites, powerpoint, and excel (placed above to create a better sentence structure.). It helps students visualize, think, and understand subjects. (79 words. Optimum length.)

Secondly, adding computer science in at an elementary level mean sharpens children’s basic technology skills of computer familiarity with devices in early years, and it builds a strong foundation of for students, and prepares (sharpens, prepares and builds are parallel. This makes your sentence stronger.) them for higher education and future. For instance, many affluent countries are becoming digital, since they add by adding computer skills courses in the schools and offices (Can’t add skills in schools and colleges. Logic.). They want their citizens to have knowledge of computer and use digital devices in everyday life so that they can help in the country‘s development. Moreover, governments of many nations construct smart classes in schools, the that help students may learn from online since online websites have enormous data information and knowledge which to help them in academic years as well as in career development days. (108 words.)

In conclusion, if pupils have knowledge of computer skills in younger years, they not only become brilliant students in academic years but also reliable and confident citizens of a nation. This will definitely help a country to become digital digitally and economically stable. (42 words. Optimum length. Great conclusion.)

Total Words = 270 words. Bands = 6.5.

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IELTS Essay Correction: Computer Skills At School.

computer skills IELTS PTE

Image Courtesy: David Goehring – Flickr

Some people say that computer skills should be added to primary subjects such as reading, writing, and math in elementary schools. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

IELTS: 40 words, 250 words at least.

Answer:

A few habitants people advice advise (not a noun, but a verb) that technical competencies computer education should be included to mainstream in elementary education school syllabus (An advice – noun – Please use non-complex words. Avoid unnecessary complexity. Let us discuss this over the phone.). I certainly agree with this statement because it has cardinal benefits such as firstly, knowledge of the Internet and it’s its (its vs it’s) usage in daily life. Secondly, it enhances the level of , and curiosity amongst students. (Such as X and Y: X and Y in the same sentence without using firstly or secondly.) (46 words. Length is optimum.) (technical is not same as computer)

On the one hand, the acceptance of the technical teaching computers as a major subject will allow students to grasp undergo practical training. It has been observed that students having technical skills knowledge of latest computer software/ operations are more vibrant and calibrated (wrong word usage. Caliberated = A carefully measured plan.) as compared to others the one’s (ones) who doesn’t  has. For instance, in India, we have observed (Repetition from the previous sentence) that there is a particular set of people who had progressed exponentially and the reason is the access to the computer skills at the school level (This is devoid of all the elements of an example. This is a statement disguised as an example.)(75 words.)

On the other hand, technology provides the curiosity to learn new subjects, ideas, and concepts and much more. Furthermore, children collaborate with their friends for online recreational activities like such as online gaming, quiz, (Oxford Comma) and some other contests. For example, in the United States, recently a study has been published which enlighten us with several benefits of gaming such as it increases the increased blood flow in our body which enhances the level of dopamine, it is – a kind of fuel for the human brain. (This looks like an example. Facts. Names. Dates. Numbers.) (77 words.)

To conclude, the computer skills should be a fundamental subject in the education curriculum as it has only advantages to offer to the future next (avoid repeating words – future.) generations. In future, it might be possible that computer will over rule the human brain and social values (Can’t see any link with the essay.). Nonetheless, it is one of the best inventions of the 21st century. (54 words. You need to learn the art of writing a powerful conclusion)

Total Words = 252 words. Bands = 6.5 to 7.0.

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IELTS Essay Correction: Money Can Bring Happiness.

money IELTS PTE.jpg

Image Courtesy: Pictures of Money – Flickr

People think that money can bring happiness. However, having more than enough money leads to problems. Do u agree or disagree?

IELTS: 40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please go through the sample answer HERE.

Answer:

Money plays a significant role in the every human being‘s life. However, individuals Some people believe that money can buy purchase several things objects which give them happiness. Yes, I agree but money cannot bring everything such as internal satisfaction I partially agree with this statement since it cannot buy sublime things such as internal satisfaction, friendship, love, morals, and values. The surplus Rather it brings on a feeling of insecurity and inequality in society. (47 words. Please do not use weird synonyms for money – surplus. Try using pronouns.)

Firstly, money can fulfill every person’s desires and basic needs such as food, shelter, and clothes. While, if someone has excess money and he wants to see the world, he will surely travel the global which makes him glad happy. In contrast, excess money cannot buy true friends and relatives, with whom the wealthy a person can share their his internal feelings. Hence they , which makes them feel gloomy. Furthermore, if a person has wealth but not healthy body. consequently, he cannot utilize those luxury facilities luxuries such as delicious foods and modern homes as a result of unhealthy body (repetition). It leads to unsatisfaction of mind because an unhealthy person has a need of for sound health. (104 words. Try connecting sentences to make them a bit more complex.)

Undoubtedly, extra money accelerates a feeling of inequality among different sections of the society people. For instance, the children of rich person utilize more facilities than poor people children those of poor people, which brings on an inferiority feeling in poor children. Moreover, unwealthy individuals the marginalized people want more facilities in their lives so that they can start commit often choose the path of crimes such as theft, murder, and riot in the society either to fulfill their material wishes or to express dissatisfaction with the society. Hence, wealthy people feel unsecured and they always feel a threat of theft of their money. (74 words.)

In conclusion, If the wealthy people start helping the poor people, this change will surely fulfill both persons desires. They both will feel satisfied in their life. In addition, the government should enact legislation against crimes and provide desired jobs to unemployed individuals so that they can live a better life with happiness and satisfaction. (Design the latter part of the conclusion to fit with the essay question: …enact legislation for equitable distribution of wealth among all sections of society to prevent dissatisfaction and promote peace, harmony, and happiness.(52 words. the Conclusion is well-written.)

Total Words = 277 words. Bands = 6.0 to 6.5.

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IELTS Essay Correction: Computers Replacing People – 3.

computer IELTS PTE

Image Courtesy: PublicDomainPictures

As the world becomes technologically advanced, computers are replacing people at more and more jobs. What are some job positions that may be lost because of computers? What are some problems that may result from this situation? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

40 minutes, 250 words at least

Please go through the sample answer HERE.

Answer:

Undoubtedly, the advanced technology makes our life more convenient than the past but it also have has the reverse effects. Several people lose their jobs (Mention more problems arising from the introduction of computers) when computers come in existence are introduced and the computers since they carry out work more effectively and efficiently than people humans. (41 words.)

To begin with (you’ve already begun) Firstly, many job positions such as telemarketers, travel agents, newspaper reporters, mail carrier, and accountants are on the verge of extinction stage. Accountants jobs are slowly replacing with computers because the computers have many advanced features Since computers have many calculations and mathematical advanced features, they are gradually replacing accounting jobs. Consequently, computers carry out written works without any extra time and effort. While in past, that work were was done on the office registers and these paper works were totally this was a time-consuming task (while construction incomplete). Nowadays, few accountants are needed for doing data entries on the computers. (repetition: You’ve already mentioned this above – they are gradually replacing accounting jobs.Furthermore, people send emails with using computers. Hence, it (wrong pronoun) they have replaced postman‘s job. In the past years the postman was only the person who delivered the people’s letters on at the a given place and this consumed colossal time. (113 words.)

On the other hand, many problems occur after computers replacing replace people in jobs. The rise in unemployment and crime rate. when computers take people jobs (repetition of the line above) that people feel frustrated after losing their jobs. Rephrase: The loss of a job often makes a person frustrated and this may eventually lead to increase in the crime rate. The employees and their families live with a lower standard of living and face financial crisis. Hence, some people start committing crimes (repetition of the idea above) for to fulfill their basic needs such as food and clothes. (62 words.)

In conclusion, the government should provide other jobs after replacing them so that they do not carry out crimes in the society impart new skills to the people who have been rendered jobless due to the introduction of automation. In the contrary, computers will not replace few jobs such as sculpting and pottery because these tasks required old age traditional human skills. Last but not least, the advanced technology of computer take the world at next advance level of success(60 words.)

(Total Words = 276 words)

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